Co-parenting can be a particularly complicated affair when a child is still breastfeeding. Infants have unique needs, and feeding schedules often dictate much of a parent’s daily routine. When parents separate during this time, creating a parenting plan that supports a child’s well-being while respecting both parents’ roles can be difficult.
With thoughtful planning and cooperation, however, it is possible to balance breastfeeding with meaningful involvement from both parents. This arrangement must be approached with care, though, as achieving a workable arrangement that supports a child’s feeding schedule is often easier said than done.
Primary considerations when a child is still nursing
One of the most important considerations that co-parents navigating this situation need to honor for a time is that breastfeeding is more than just nutrition. It provides comfort, security and bonding between the infant and the breastfeeding parent. Frequent feedings, especially in the early months, make it difficult for the non-breastfeeding parent to have long, unsupervised stretches of parenting time, so it can be important to remember that this arrangement won’t need to last forever.
Courts and professionals often emphasize the best interests of the child, which in these cases may mean shorter, more frequent stretches of parenting time with the non-feeding parent that do not disrupt feeding schedules. This approach can help to support the baby’s physical and emotional needs while still allowing the non-feeding parent opportunities to bond.
Flexibility is key in developing a workable arrangement, whenever possible and appropriate. Some parents use expressed milk to allow the non-breastfeeding parent to feed the baby during visits, helping build a nurturing bond and reducing dependence on the breastfeeding parent’s presence. Others may structure parenting time around feeding times, with the non-breastfeeding parent taking responsibility for playtime, soothing and other caregiving tasks. As the child grows and feedings become less frequent, parenting time can gradually expand to overnights and more traditional schedules.
Conflict can arise if one parent feels excluded or if the breastfeeding parent believes the other is pushing for more time too quickly. In such situations, mediation or guidance from a family law professional may be helpful. A neutral perspective can assist in balancing the child’s developmental needs with both parents’ rights and responsibilities.